[PDF / Epub] ★ City of Fallen Angels By Cassandra Clare – Freepe.co

1 City of Bones 2 City of Ashes 3 City of Glass 1 Clockwork AngelWhy is it, little Shadowhunter, that your angels are so cold and without mercy Why do they break that which will not obey themOkay, I m going to start this review off by saying that I am reading this for the first time in 2018 I know this is almost a decade old And I know so many of my friends hold this series close to their hearts and have a lot of nostalgia for it But friends, this was a damn mess Easily the worst book I ve read from Cassie Clare, and the themes were hella harmful and disgusting to read So, I m not going to say any major spoilers, but this review is going to talk about my thoughts and feelings, which will talk about some things that have already happened in the story, and themes that have happened in this book So, please use caution while reading this review if you are not up to date with this series Okay, I don t really know how to do this review And I ll be honest, I m a little scared because I know how beloved this series is But these are the five things really made me dislike this book ONE What have I complained about in every TMI book so far Jace I mean, I guess this book made the most sense on why he was acting the way he was, so I ll cut him a little slack But the dude wants to be Clary s brother so bad, and just wants to live in pain so desperately, that it makes for a really unenjoyable reading experience TWO Alec s behavior in this book killed me I know most of my friends love this character, but I honestly have disliked him from the start Not only was he shitty to Clary about something she couldn t control, but now he s going to be shitty about Magnus and his past I mean, he s like 800 years old, you expect him to be a virgin I don t understand And if you all want to be like, Well Alec is still young Then maybe he shouldn t be dating someone that s so much older andexperienced than him I mean, he obviously can t handle it And I also feel like there were some stereotypical gay dude things in this, that made my skin crawl, honestly And how he treated an abused person at the end of this book because he s a petty little fuckthrows up foreverTHREE Cheating is not okay, even if you re young, grieving, and learning what you want from a relationship Simon is one of my favorite characters If I was Clary, I would have easily wanted to be with him over Jace But I ll never be here to make excuses for people s shitty actions And Simon acted really shitty in this book And not to be too much here, but who the fuck would cheat on Isabelle Lightwood anyway Like, what a dumbass FOUR Abuse apologists storylines need to be canceled, and they are never okay not in 2018 and not back in 2010 And the fact that I ve never even seen this mentioned makes me honestly sick to my stomach Comparing Simon s need to eat from blood will NEVER be the same as a freshly turned werewolf physically assaulting and turning someone they care about into a werewolf against their wishes There should be no redemption arc here, ever It s disgusting and was honestly the biggest contributing factor as to why I hated this book FIVE Like, nothing happened in this book until the last four chapters And then the twists felt so over the top that I couldn t even stop the side eye if I tried Especially the closing like of this book Lord, help me And, like with all my reviews of this series, I m going to break down my thoughts briefly on each of the main characters Jace Wants to live his life in pain and annoy me forever Clary Such a bland character Like, she is supposed to be the star, true But she s so forgettable Simon My dude fucked up Isabelle My queen Deserves the entire universe and all the stars within it Way too fucking good for Simon at this point Magnus My king Deserves the entire universe and all the stars within it Way too fucking good for Alec at this point Alec I honestly feel like I just disliked himandeach book When am I finally going to see this character that you all love so much Luke Planning a wedding, therefore, not in this book as much But I still love him Jocelyn Planning a wedding, therefore, not in this book as much She s alright Maia I wish,than anything else in this series, that she would see her worth and realize that it s okay to be alone and it s okay to not accept an apology from your abuser Jordan The scum of this book I have so much hatred in my heart for him I m going to buy Maia a dump him shirt Boy, bye Seelie Queen Still one of my favorites, but Clary still playing with fire I m hyped Camille I liked her in TID and I liked her in this one Give me all the morally grey characters, please Especially one that gets under Alec s skin so much Lilith Like, this book was dark as fuck All the stuff with the babies I was honestly feeling disturbed But she was a pretty good villain, if I m being honest Just a little too over the top Overall, I hope this is the only book I ll give one star to in the Shadowhunter world And I ll be really honest, I am really starting to regret that I didn t just start my Cassie Clare experience with Lady Midnight, because I m truly thinking that these books don t hold up well while I read them as an adult in 2018 I feel like this fanbase is really fueled by nostalgia and not actual substance, because this book was honestly awful But I m so ready to dip back into TID with Clockwork Prince Wish me luck.Blog Instagram Twitter Tumblr Youtube TwitchContent and trigger warnings for medical experimentation, a lot of talk of children s deaths, a lot of blood depiction, misogynistic comments, death, murder, cheating, abandonment, self harm, talk of suicide, and war themes. I realized something, while being completely immersed in this sequel I ve been a bad bad reader, in the past, toward this series Not only because I ve postponed reading this book in my defence, I really had to finish Clockwork Angel first so I can actually know who Camille is but also for another reason entirely.I didn t care I didn t care enough about the characters before, Alec Magnus excluded I didn t even try to I mean, I liked them enough but Alec Magnus were the ones I kept focusing on, in every single chapter and, when they weren t around, I was still thinking about them and processing and replaying in my mind what I ve just learned regarding them Or felt Craving for the next scene I ll see the lovely couple in was never something new to me And that s, I think, not right Being my favorite series ever, I should have paidattention to the other characters too Because they re great This is the only The Mortal Instruments book in which I didn t miss doing that and discovered some new qualities and endearing information on the characters I ve known of before such as Simon especially him , Jace and Isabelle Clary is the heroine, so there barely is any if none at all secret she s keeping that we don t know about, but I did feel closer to her in this one too.That was my dirty little secret, heh Oh well, I guess I ll have to re read book 1, 2 3 for a third time C est dommage wink wink This book was actually fun, strangely It feltlike an in between written story than a sequel itself It s like the author wanted to take some time off the actual immense and complex plot and focus really on the relationship between the characters For instance, Clary Jace, Simon Maia Isabelle you go, man , Jocelyn Luke, Alec Magnus, etc And I loved this book for it Of course, there was some actual action and mystery too, but I do admit it being slower than the two previous ones However, it being different didn t make it disappointing at all This book, like I mentioned, helped me connect with the castand I m grateful for it, since I will probably love the next two books to the moon and back because of it and not just really really love them.I don t think I ever realized how sweet and funny Simon actually is Sarcastic, quite in fact, but a good kind of sarcastic And Jace he appeared vulnerable in this It was pleasant to see for once how much he loves Clary and being given proof for it Or perhaps it is that this made me believe in their relationship evenAnd Clary, well, as always, she can be na ve and give her trust too quickly But all that made a great melange and brought a nice atmosphere.Magnus is so cute Awe moment He touched her cheek It was colder than the floor had been You could give me the past, he said a little sadly But Alec is my future Woah, Magnus Bane can be romantic Too bad Alec didn t hearor did he grins A must read I have seen many being disappointed by this sequel but, still, don t hesitate if you re a fan of the series Sources Clary Jace Luke Jocelyn Alec Magnus Simon Isabelle The Mortal War Is Over, And Sixteen Year Old Clary Fray Is Back Home In New York, Excited About All The Possibilities Before Her She S Training To Become A Shadowhunter And To Use Her Unique Power Her Mother Is Getting Married To The Love Of Her Life Downworlders And Shadowhunters Are At Peace At Last And Most Importantly Of All She Can Finally Call Jace Her BoyfriendBut Nothing Comes Without A PriceSomeone Is Murdering Shadowhunters, Provoking Tensions Between Downworlders And Shadowhunters That Could Lead To A Second, Bloody War Clary S Best Friend, Simon, Can T Help Her His Mother Just Found Out That He S A Vampire, And Now He S Homeless When Jace Begins To Pull Away From Her Without Explaining Why, Clary Is Forced To Delve Into The Heart Of A Mystery Whose Solution Reveals Her Worst Nightmare She Herself Has Set In Motion A Terrible Chain Of Events That Could Lead To Her Losing Everything She Loves Even Jace I ahh, think that I.I don t know.I literally just finished this book and I m at a loss of words to describe it Was it brilliant Yes Was it fantastic Yes Was it worth the wait Yes, yes, yes.lord yes I feel like I ve been waiting for this book an entire lifetime Yes, that may seem weird, but that s how I feel There have been waits for books that I thought would kill me Richelle Mead s Last Sacrifice being a big one but none like this I was happy and satisfied when City of Glass ended, but learning that Clare decided to writebooks was just the icing on the cake It s been a while between books, but this wasor less everything I expected andIt was different and yet completely the same There s no way to pretend that the characters haven t changed that they re not different and that everything that went into the storyline and plot of the first 3 books hasn t changed That chapter of the series is over and a new dawn has emerged yes, cheesy, I know, but sue me The characters were still the amazing, incredible people that stole my heart throughout the first 3 books and being with them again was a lot like coming home from a long trip I must say I thought Jordan was an awesome inclusion I always thought Maia s ex was a real jerk, but he s nothing like I thought or expected and I love that I will admit that I did miss seeingof Clary and Jace They re still my fave everything of this series, fave characters, fave couple, but I still loved the book regardless It was so strange getting such an in depth look into Simon and following him the most Obviously the books have always changed POV s, jumping back and forth, but it s always been fixed mostly on Clary, whereas this time it wasSimon than anything else And yet I didn t have a problem with that.I love Simon always have and even though I never wanted him to be the one Clary ended up with, I still wanted the best for him He s still the same great Simon he s always been, but he s slightly different too I think he s got a long way to go and there s a lot of growth that I think will happen to him I can t wait to see thoughIt s odd, when the last book ended, if anyone had asked me, I d have been one of the few people who actually said they wanted Maia to be with Simon, but after this book it s plain to see that Izzy is the one that for him Perhaps I m late to the party, but it always seemed to me that she was a bit much for him and even though I love her, heart and soul I didn t believe she was right for him I honestly thought that Maia and he would have made a better couple, but after this book I ll never think that way again Perhaps it was Jordan coming into the storyline and seeing how he and Maia were are, but I finally looked and realised that Simon and Isabelle really have something There s so muchto Izzy than we ve seen and I think that Simon may actually break through her defences and worm his way into her heart if she lets him Oh, and it goes without saying that I want Maia and Jordan back together too Hello Weren t they just perfect together The issues they have and Maia wanting to rip him to shreds aside I was sad to see so many issues for Clary and Jace in this book, but I can t say I was surprised either I knew Cassandra Clare wouldn t just let them be It seems like they ve been through so much, but of course it s not the end for them, no sir ee There areproblems facing them and new struggles, but I don t doubt for a second that they can get through it..somehow That s not to say that I didn t love every single moment they were together, because I did I absolutely did The moments between Clary and Jace were electric Every time they re together, every kiss, every time they touch, things just sizzle I ve loved a lot of book couples over time, but none compared to them They re like no other You can t deny that they re made for one another, you can t miss the chemistry they have It s truly impossible not to see and feel They just go together so well, they both make each other better Jace makes Clary stronger, and she s his whole world She means he world to him and it makes me giggly inside Yeah, yeah, yeah.I went there D This book was perfectly paced and the ending was a heart stopping roller coaster ride So much happened and I was on the edge of my seat, wanting to see how Simon, Jace and Clary would get out of things I couldn t believe that Lilith was trying to bring Sebastian back There s no one who deserves to stay deadthan himwell, perhaps expect Valentine The ending of this book was jaw dropping I Could Not Believe It Still can t, if I m honest here I cannot believe that Sebastian is alive again and what he s done to Jace It s shocking, it s exciting, it s heart breaking, it s everything I didn t want, but at the same time I CANNOT wait to see what s going to happen next The next book is going to be a showstopper I can so tell and I can t wait to see what happens now Can Clary and everyone else manage to free Jace from Sebastian Can they defeat Sebastian Just what does this mean now God I NEEEEEED the next book, like stat Seriously, this series is just brilliant and I can t wait for the next instalment Bring on the awesome The plot of City of Fallen Angels by pennenickel Official review posted April 14, 2011 An Open Letter to Cassandra Clare Dear Ms Clare,You re not Joss Whedon You ll never be Joss Whedon and or J.K Rowling, so do yourself and everyone else a favor stop trying Yours Truly, Someone Who Deserves Their Money Back A.K.A Everyone Who Bought a Copy of City of Fallen Angels P.S What were you thinking P.P.S No seriously, what were you thinking when you decided to revive this series Were you thinking at all Fair question given the circumstances Why couldn t you just leave well enough alone Are you controlled by greed Just curious.P.P.P.S I hope you enjoy swimming in your money bin filled with all that ill gotten wealth The first thing I did upon finishing City of Fallen Angels Headdesk I know what you re thinking You re thinking that I brought this misery upon myself To that I say I agree with you, wholeheartedly You re probably also wondering why I expected a different outcome then the one I got I ve spent the morning wondering that exact same thing So far I ve come up with a handful of explanations, none of which are backed with much reason SECRET SHAME ALERT What can I say I m that person You know, that pathetic moron who spends way too much time and energy believing in other people, even the ones who ve done nothing but let me down in the past In my defense I love seeing people live up to their potential.Yes, I actually believe Cassandra Clare has potential Now over half my friends and followers have lost all respect for me Or at least I did feel that way until I picked up this book Now I don t know exactly how I feel about her Before anyone unfriends me, please lemme splain.There are brief moments, between all the stolen storylines, ill conceived plotting, melodrama and so forth, in which I m able to see that Cassandra Clare does have something unique and interesting to bring to the table Even a few moments of dare I say complete brilliance that, had Ms Clare expanded on, could have gone somewhere great Unfortunately I don t think Ms Clare knows that about herself so she spends most of her time lifting ideas from other people s work, pasting it together and trying to pass it off as her own Either that or she really wishes she was Joss Whedon And really, who could blame her I wanna be Joss Whedon too that way I could know all the ins and outs of the Firefly universe, but I digress She failed at channeling Joss Whedon s brilliance though it is evident that she tried Long story short this book was like a slap in the face given to me by none other then a very smug Cassandra Clare Serves me right for being dumb enough to believe in her, amirite In depth review to come. Initial reaction to the new cover to this book Can I just say how irritated I am that Clary and Jace are pretty much front and center in this book Clary is even on the freaking cover I thought this story was going to focus on Simon, so what s with the return of The Jace Clary Quasi Incest Show I just don t care about them any and I desperately wish they d just go away Forever I know I m going to read this only to wish I hadn t Why Because I can t stay away from these stupid books Kill me. Okay, let me level with you Just to put this review into perspective, I d like to make it common knowledge that I gave all three of the books in the Mortal Instruments five feckin stars I loved them I was not blind to their flaws, and they are not literary masterpieces, but they were far too much fun for me to care about what was wrong with them For the first time in so long I was able to just sit back and not cringe or roll my eyes or make any backhanded comments about the pathetic characters I took to the Shadowhunters, dug the storyline, and zipped through all of the books within two weeks with a grin on my face the entire time.So what on earth happened here I was absolutely pumped when I found out that the awesome City Of Glass was not the end of the series PUMPED I waited, with baited breath, to rush out to Coles and get my newest fix, partly because I needed me someJace and partly because I needed me somesexy fun time with Magnus and Alec Oh, boy, was I wrong about that The writing didn t disappoint me that much, but I m not going to spend much time debating the ins and outs of Cassie s prose If you want to what my opinion is on the way she writes go check out my review of City of Bones.Let s backtrack here.Things in this world today that irritate me a Lite britesb Misogynistsc Mini Pop Kidsd Scabs on my earse Fall Out Boy scaring us with a huge unnecessary hiatusSee that See those normal, annoying things that I am perfectly entitled to be annoyed about Now, the reason why I state these things is to convince you that I am not an angry, pissy person with unreasonable standards, and to firmly convey the fact that since I am not an angry, pissy person with unreasonable standards, this is in no way a bitchy, over the top hissy fit Though it may look and sound exactly like a bitchy, over the top hissy fit in every single conceivable way, I can assure you, this is not a bitchy, over the top hissy fit.rant What the fucking fuck happened here What the actual HELL is this book s deal What is wrong with Cassie Did she begin daytime drinking Jace has become an aggressively boring Cullen knock off with some kind of lame ass inferiority complex that actually dares manifest itself in the form of don t come near me, I m dangerous Like, are you shitting me with this You re actually going to get up on a soapbox and admit to the world that you ve stopped trying, Cassie It s like she s not even ashamed of the fact that this series has devolved from a solid fantasy quest to a huge screaming shitstorm of teenage feelings and internet in jokes that were barely funny on Windows 98 and are cracked with the same enthusiasm as a dead cat has toward the concrete floor it rots on Like you actually expect me to sit here and enjoy reading about Jace s sad yet rippling muscles and Clary s sad red hair and all their sad, sad love that belongs in the YA bargain bin along with Luce Daniel, Nora Patch, Beth Xavier and the rest of the motley cheesemance crew Just don t even provoke me Don t approach me and start a conversation about this appalling excuse for a power couple I ll just start swearing offensively.And where the fuck were Alec and Magnus They didn t make an appearance until chapter fucking twelve, and the cardboard cut outs that waded through the nothingness that is this book s plot were shadows of the characters I fell in love with in previous installments What happened to Alec He s a prick What happened to Magnus He s a bore What happened to this pairing They re dull as shit What the hell makes Clare think that anybody would want to read about two people revolving blankly around each other and recycling the same conversation over and over and over again and eventually coming to no conclusion but we ll cross that bridge when we come to it How is that even anything How does that make any sense at all How does it make any sense to keep Magnus and Alec absent until chapter twelve even though they re two of the most popular characters in the whole series They rake in fans like nobody s business and I actually recall talking to one of my friends about this series and us both agreeing that the only reason we were even pursuing it further than COG was the promise of Magnus and Alec s relationship, which has stopped being touching and heartfelt and started being weird and mildly creepy since Alec started behaving like a kid and Magnus an old fart I don t get it I don t Then we have the plot which is like the Overture on the Sound Of Music DVD Nobody gives a shit about it, it may as well not be there, and honestly the best thing to do is to just fast forward through it What even happens Everyone stands around talking, Clare describes everyone s clothing, and then there are demon babies and Lilith and that s when I stop giving a tiny rat s ass about my loyalty to this series because when you break the Rule of Abeko, you break my interest in defending your shit So basically, the plot was balls The whole thing was balls It was like a big glass of distilled water It looks like nothing and tastes like nothing and it s so utterly devoid of substance that it may as well not exist at all.How glad am I to see Sebastian back No, not very Okay, I ll go with it because I guess it sort of passes as a new story arc, but by the way this thing ended I m expecting some shitty inner monologue where Jace whines about not being able to control himself and what did I say about Mormon vampires Don t get me started on the whole Simon Maia Isabelle thing The less said about that the better I m just so done with all of these simpering caricatured characters There is absolutely no substance left to them They re like those wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men posted in front of car dealerships they re really tall and loud and there are a lot of colours to look at but when you really think about it, they re really fucking pointless and they don t look jazzy or cool, they just look really stupid, standing in the same spot and thrashing their limbs like dying bumblebees Make it stop I m literally gasping for breath right now Thank all the gods of this ugly earth that I can shut the back cover of this book and never ever open it again on pain of death rantBonus Time I m Al Harrington The fourth book in the series, City of Fallen Angels was a bit of a disappointment for me That isn t to say it wasn t enjoyable though I liked it, but it wasn t as great as the earlier books, in my opinion It was lukewarm for me, at best.While the third book seemed to leave off on a promising note, this book quickly rained on my parade Just when I thought that they were making progress in their war against evil , everything goes and gets messed up again The guys, in particular, were grating on my nerves.Simon is a huge focus in this book He spends most of his time trying to juggle his relationships with Maia and Isabelle He feels kind of guilty for two timing both of the girls, who also happen to be friendsbut not guilty enough to choose or to stop This time around, the girls aren t the only ones that want to get their hands on Simon His special day walker blood has made him a hot commodity Some want to protect him, while others would like to use or kill him Several new characters were introduced that kept things interesting.Like Simon, Jace spends a lot of time screwing up his personal life in this book His behavior is all over the place He spends a great deal of time distancing himself from Clary, nearly ruining their relationship Again, the guys were driving me bonkers They were really messing up my mojo.In the end, some big events transpired andsecrets came to light This may not have been a total win for me, but I can appreciate that this book has paved the way for future events in the series I am still enjoying the series as a whole and I can t wait to see where it is heading I m on to the fifth book now. Wow, there s four days of my life spent reading this book that I ll never get back And it normally doesn t take me that long, but I had to self motivate myself with promises of chocolate If you just read onepage , just to get through it.I usually don t give too many books only 1 star In fact there is only one book I can think of that angered me this much and that was The Vampire Diaries The Return I only got 50 pages deep into it before I flung it across the room So I am very proud that I was able to finish this POS to write a review There is NO reason this book should have a higher rating than Mockingjay, a few Harry Potter books, and The Pride and the Predjudice NO REASON.After all of that, I have one question for Cassandra Clare Was this some sort of sick April fool s joke Why was this even published Now before the fangirls come out to defend their master , let me explain.I actually liked the original 3 books I wouldn t say I loved them or call them literary masterpieces, but I did find them entertaining City of Endless Angst City of Fallen Angels picks up 2 months after City of Glass left off One would think the conflict between Jace and Clary was over, but no CC has the nerve to regress her characters And there lies my biggest problem with the book WHERE WAS THE PLOT While everyone was busy fawning over each other, Shadowhunters are being murdered But, alas, no one gives a shit How would I describe our characters in CoFA, you ask Well a picture is worth a thousand words DracoJace Bordered between and Wangsty teen and a cocky prick And yes kids, he actually says he is better than everyone.ClaryHe loves me He loves me not Simon I really liked him in the orignial trilogy I found him funny Sadly, he was boring He wandered around this book with not a clue what was going on Alec and Magnus sigh They didn t even show up until half the book was over And when they did all they did is bitch about Magnus past sex life Yes,andangst The gang is supposed to be investigating the murders of the shadowhunters, but there isn t much investigating going on Instead, they are too busy ignoring each other, going to Simon s band gigs, and ripping each other s clothes off in an alley Speaking of Simon, he is apparently dating Isabelle and Maia at the same time Yet, he doesn t know how it happened Ya, Simon, we already established that you are confused What s driving Jace and Clary apart Well, Jace starts having these nightmares where just as he and Clary are ripping away their clothes, he kills her He decides to ignore her, so as not to hurt her Why Clare, why Why did you have to play the I love you, can t you see it s killing me card Stephenie Meyer already cashed in on that lotto ticket amoungst other recent, pathetic YA novels To top it off, we have evil minions in gray track suits and sneakers and a badass villain killed in the most shitty ending I have ever read And that cliffhanger Not everyone who dies has to come back to life, Clare I honestly wouldn t be surprised if Valentine makes an appearance in the next two books Clare is also very inconsistent with her storyline When Kyle is first introduced to us he has black hair However, two pages later he has brown hair Jace doesn t believe in God, yet has the most angel blood in him that anyone else The Pepsi sign is blue and red, not Coca Cola Jace doesn t understand any of the pop culture references Simon quotes, but Jace spews Shakespeare lines off like its second nature Seriously, why didn t the editors catch this Does my review seem like it s all over the place Well, good cause that s exactly how this book was ALL.OVER.THE.DAMN.PLACE.A few days ago Clare posted a FAQ about the book and ending She is basically validating why she, Almighty Author, is a genius and you, lowly reader, are an idiot You can read it here if you haven t already you know what I have to say to her little condescending FAQ Cassandra Clare, I m calling you out on the bull shit It s time to stop riding J.K Rowling s cash cow Get off, the ride is over More reviews andat Cuddlebuggery Book Blog. full video review discussion can be found here 3.5 I enjoyed this, but it just didn t wow me I also think it struggled finding it s footing after an epic book like city of glass, but I do realize that I should consider this last portion of the series to be it s own trilogy, since that s what Cassandra Clare originally had in mind I m glad that I decided to re read this before continuing on with the series, because I remembered basically nothing from this book and there is a huge reveal at the end that I mthan sure will be an important plot line in the last two books. As human society evolves, so do its methods of tortureLet me start off this review with a small confession I liked The Mortal Instruments Yes, it was cheesy, it was derivative, and it was an embarrassment to good literature everywhere, but it gave me a couple of afternoons worth of guilty pleasure, and I was satisfied I enjoyed the fast paced action and the triumph of true love, and I was happy to leave Jace and Clary to enjoy the fruits of their labour in happily ever after land But then Mammon beckoned, and Cassandra Clare fell into the trap Not content with the adulation of her millions of teenyboppers and wannabe teenyboppers like me she decided to flog a dead horse In addition to her derivation of a derivative series The Infernal Devices , she decided to revive Jace and Clary from their life of teenage bliss and torture them and her readers all over again.Unfortunately, she forgot some key elements in her rush to milk the cash cow Elements that most readers tend to look for in their books Minor things like plot, characterization and heart Let me be honest here CoFA is the worst excuse for a novel I have ever read It is a waste of time, money and paper Even as I turned each page, I could hear the groan of a million trees that gave up their lives to fulfill one person s fathomless desire for fame and money Cassandra Clare says that she often gets asked where she derives the inspiration for her books Thus far, she has kept that answer a closely guarded secret, but the truth WILL out, ladies and gentlemen So here, without further ado, is the inspiration for The Mortal Instruments The writing in this book is like the dry rattle of a dying man s throat The slow crawl towards a climax is like watching the continental drift The endless descriptions of what every person is wearing is like being forced to trawl through a random stranger s vacation photos The unbelievable level of teenage angst in this book is like the Dear Diary scrawls of a twelve year old The ridiculousness of calling this a novel and selling it for 11 is like like sorry, I can t think of anything obviously I don t have Clare s talent for overblown similes So, let s see what the plot in this book is about Okay, Simon s a vampire, but he s still trying to pretend to be a normal boy He s turned into a playa, and is juggling two hot women at the same time Then he gets accosted by a really old vampire who wants him to help her take over the Manhattan clan But that s not important, because we never come back to that story Moving on, Clary and Jace are supposed to be training, but mostly they re making out One such session gets interrupted by Isabelle who tells them that a dead Shadowhunter has been found somewhere in the city But let s not worry about that either, it s not very important What simportant is that Jace is having some really disturbing nightmares in which he ends up hurting killing Clary So he decides that he ll talk to his mom about it His mom suggests therapy, and Jace finds a therapist, who advises him to talk to Clary about his disturbed emotional state Clary, having been told the whole story, begins to suspect that Jace may not be mentally disturbed at all, but the victim of a demonic attack She takes him to the Silent Brothers who work their silent mojo, and together, Jace and Clary investigate the dead Shadowhunters, find the culprit, vanquish him her and save the Shadowhunters.Oh wait embarrassed silence Umm, actually, that s not how it goes.What actually happens is that Jace, because of this nightmare, decides that he will distance himself from Clary, whinge about their relationship endlessly, run away every time he so much as spots her in the distance, and mope miserably But don t worry He s not really breaking up with her or anything He s just nobly making her miserable and refusing to tell her why he s avoiding her But every once in a while, his hormones emotions get the better of him, and he just tosses her up against an alley wall and plays out some abstinence porn.In the meantime, Simon the playa gets kicked out of his home and works some mind mojo on his mother to make her forget that she has discovered his secret life as a vampire He feels miserable and guilty about this, but again, not to worry, it s only for about two pages After that, he just walks around town being targeted by sweatsuit ed assassins and checking out the long, thick eyelashes of the guy who comes to audition for his band, and feeding Jace tomato soup and mangoes and watching him sleep Awww.Then there are random snippets about dead babies anddead Shadowhunters and the faerie Queen psyching out Clary about how she might lose Jace and some moving, heart rending conversations about Shadowhunter weddings, andassassins in sweatsuits.But what about the super cool, super adorable Magnus, you ask Take heart, dear reader, Magnus and Alec DO reappear about three quarters into the book When they promptly get into a fight about Magnus s long and colourful lovelife Alec throws a jealous fit, gets sullen and asks random embarrassing questions that no one wants to know the answer to, least of all me Thenunnecessary things happen, culminating in a made for TV moment where Alec decides to pause in his attempts to save his sister, brother and fellow Shadowhunters to quiz Magnus s ex girlfriend about Magnus s lovelife I kid you not.In the meantime, those long forgotten plots about dead Shadowhunters, dead babies, assassins in grey sweats merge with a last minute, hastily scrambled together plot about a Greater demon and a villain who s back from the dead oh, am I spoiling this for you image error