[ download Best ] Married With ZombiesAuthor Jesse Petersen – Freepe.co

A Heartwarming Tale Of Terror In The Middle Of The Zombie ApocalypseMeet Sarah And DavidOnce Upon A Time They Met And Fell In Love But Now They Re On The Verge Of Divorce And Going To Couples Counseling On A Routine Trip To Their Counselor, They Notice A Few Odd Things The Lack Of Cars On The Highway, The Missing Security Guard, And The Fact That Their Counselor, Dr Kelly, Is Ripping Out Her Previous Client S ThroatMeet The ZombiesNow, Sarah And David Are Fighting For Survival In The Middle Of The Zombie Apocalypse But, Just Because There Are Zombies, Doesn T Mean Your Other Problems Go Away If The Zombies Don T Eat Their Brains, They Might Just Kill Each Other RULES TO BE FOLLOWED DURING AN APOCALYPSE Make requests, not demands.example please kill that zombie honey, I m out of bulletsOMG this book was absolulty fantastic and LOL defiantly hilarious from the story s first intal pages to its very end..this book kept me entertained and laughing as i flipped through the adventures of our two humans DAVE AND SARAH against the apocalypseThe Couple who Slays together , Stays TogetherLOL true,who knew killing you brain eating marriage saving councilor would actually save your relationship Apparently its now being proven true maybe you should give it a go D I never would have guessed that unlike therapy, unlike the self help books that littered our apartment at the time, killing zombies would save my relationship.But yeah,whatever.. RECOMMENDATIONanyway guys , all im saying is give it a go this book might be a hilarious chick lite pick up on the way readbut its one of those DEFIANTLY WORTH IT ones had loads of funny reading this one..now im totally ready to move onto the restHave you ever wanted to smash a car or break a television Or maybe burn a big fire in the middle of a city square If the answer is yes, then you d have some fun during a zombie infestation Its the little moments, you knowLOL Opening LineDavid and I became warriors in the zombie plague on the first day, but I don t think that means we were front line soldiers or something Touted asromantic comedy with brainsthis was a fantastic, super fun read that had me laughing from page 1 and just didn t stop Alongside all the gore and zombie mayhem there s also a well written, action filled, story here which I think anyone who s been in a long term relationship or seen Sean of the Dead will be able to relate to Following average Seattle couple, Sarah and David as they try to save not only their crumbling marriage but struggle through the first few days of a zombie apocalypse With only each other to rely on it becomes as much of a struggle not to kill the other as it does to battle the rising undead.I loved the way this was written, I loved that Sarah and David live in the real world, they talk like we do, they bicker, they swear at each other, they drive a crappy car, they figure out how to kill zombies from plotlines they ve seen in movies And the chapter headings are hilarious too, consisting of helpful relationship advice quotes , altered to take into account the whole zombie issue Married With Zombies takes a light hearted look at marriage while kicking major zombie ass and it was a blast Sarah and David are on the verge of divorce so it s no wonder they don t notice a few strange sightings on their way to couples counselling However when they find Dr Kelly eating the previous clients it gets their attention Suddenly which radio station to listen to, or how much time David spends playing video games is the least of their concerns Which piece of office equipment best disables a zombie is the new normal As it turns out a letter opener, high heeled shoe or even a well aimed Dr Phil book will work in a pinch Learning as they go Sarah and David return home only to find their undead neighbour in their bathroom, turns out you can also kill a zombie by crushing his head with a toilet seat, however this does make things a little awkward when his girlfriend shows up Luckily she s got a stockpile of guns and ammunition never can tell about ones neighbours can you Because Sarah and David are about to leave the city, I mean things have got to better in the suburbs, right You ll be cheering this dysfunctional couple along as they stumble across plagues of the undead, religious cults, a visit to a zombie casino, looting another new normal first drives in luxury cars, broken limbs and a visit to the country fair zombies on ferris wheel anyone Through all the arguing, when it comes right down to it theres no one else Sarah or David would rather go through a zombie apocalypse with than each other CheersThankfully this is only the first instalment from the Living With The Dead Series, Flip this Zombie is nextMen are from mars zombies are from hell Balance the workload in your relationship No one person should be responsible for killing all the zombies Make requests, not demands please kill that zombie honey, I m out of bullets Support your partner in their interests You never know when batting practice, kung fu movies or even poker night might come in handy during a zombie infestation Never go to bed angry, terrified is okay Give each other compliments every day Even when the undead attack, its nice to feel pretty or badass Address one issue at a time You can t load gasoline, pick up food and kill 15 zombies all at once I should have know that having end of the world sex wouldn t solve our problems Though it was pretty great and I highly recommend it Its one of the big benefits of an apocalypse that no one tells you about It just makes everythingbetter, because you know it might be the last time every time Have you ever wanted to smash a car or break a television Or maybe burn a big fire in the middle of a city square If the answer is yes, then you d have some fun during a zombie infestation Its the little moments, you know Rbrs 7 8This book made me realize I m not a real horror fan at all, and I would wet myself w pee, get your mind out of the gutter and into the sewer if I ever read or watched a serious horror book or movie instead of the campy and hilarious Married With Zombies is campy and hilarious, but the first several zombie encounters freaked me out Note to self, don t read zombie books at night, alone, with only one lamp on.This was a very fun, light, snarky book Complaints below shouldn t stop anyone from reading it.The main characters are a married couple who are on the brink of divorce but a sudden zombie apocalypse brings them together for survival The story sets up sequels, with non zombie bad guys still alive to be encountered later, a father who may still be alive, a destination, etc The writing was aimed directly at my generation, referencing current pop culture that would probably confuse the readers of the near future my favorite, I said with the same reverence I would have used if I saw Joss Whedon or something Petty dislike the author overused the word whispered Half the dialogue is whispered Try whispering something and hear for yourself how stupid you sound Besides the dependable said, I wish she changed it up with breathed or grated or howled or how about nothing and conveying the emotion another way These characters survive by drawing upon their knowledge of zombies in movies and books, so I thought about the few zombie movies and books I ve seen and read to assess whether I d survive if the worst happened What sucks is that they contradict each other, so that tactic probably isn t helpful But, although the zombies in this particular book are pretty frightening if they were real, they don t make too much sense since a certain behavior would eliminate the likelihood of propagationcomparing the two zombie books I ve read, I ve made lists of what I remember World War Z WWZ they shamble slowly depending on where the infection takes hold in the body, zombification can take hours or days they can smell sense living humans so acting like one doesn t work they don t breathe or eat, so they can survive underwater and w o sustenance they will bite chomp anything, not focused just on braaaaaaains they can only be stopped by destroying the zombies braaaaaaaaains Married With Zombies MWZ they can RUN, and retain enough dexterity for doorknobs, and STILL have higher brain function and intelligence intially, and even afterwards they don t just go for the braaaaaains but set up ambushes like hiding under a desk until a human is within reach, then jumping out they zombify within 15 minutes they can be fooled by acting like a zombie they breathe one was described as breathing they hunger for braaaaaains but seem to feast on every body part they can only be stopped by destroying the zombies braaaaaaainsHOW ARE WE EXPECTED TO SURVIVE WHEN OUR SOURCE MATERIALS SAY OPPOSITE THINGS The most ridiculous issue is the last couple points if they eat brains, how do the mangled corpses in MWZ becomezombies when destroying the brain destroys the zombie Are there that many who pull away and run fast enough to escape zombies that can also run If they change that fast, how do they spread that fast when they wouldn t be able to hide their state and bloodiness , and wouldn t be able to operate a vehicle to go any distance I think WWZ ruined me for any other zombie book, since it thought out the logistics of a zombie apocalypse too well Also ridiculous, the main characters are crack shots with whatever pistols and rifles they findwouldn t they need some past shooting experience or practice So many of their initial reactions to the zombies should ve gotten them killed, but they managed to pull through with lucky circumstances each timepssh.I ll still read the sequels of this book because it was funny and snide Logic ruins mindless fun. There is nothing special about David and Sarah Even their names are boring In fact, I never remembered their names during the course of the book, I had to look them up for purposes of writing this review They are vaguely middle class but having financial difficulties what twentysomething isn t , don t have exciting careers, have no special secret backgrounds in martial arts, weaponry, or magic, and pretty much lack any noteworthy hobbies or personality traits In short, they are an Everycouple We get the story of the zombie apocalypse from their point of view, not because they are exceptional but merely because they happen to not die At least, I think this is what the author was going for But is the average couple really this bland, this boring I don t believe that my father used to tell me, There are no normal people, just people you don t know very well I get that Sarah and David are intentionally generic, but this was neither believable or interesting At the start they seemedpetty and spiteful, and I was looking forward to some character growth, but instead they sensibly abandoned their antagonisms in the face of mortal danger and went from generic feuding couple to generic monster fighting duo But since I couldn t believe in them as individuals I didn t much care if they lived or died I would have actually preferred to hate themthen I could hope for either their deaths or some sort of transformative experience.But don t get me wrong, I didn t hate this book It is a light, slightly amusing, inoffensive story that requires no effort on the reader s part There were a few moments of cleverness and a few moments when the characters seemed to display fledgling emotions And there was no necrophilia, which is always a plus in my book So I have no complaints about the hour or so this took out of my day on the other hand, I m not planning to read the sequel. As an unmarried person with many married friends, I have heard my share of lectures and seen my share of demonstrations about how to have a successful or repair a broken marriage I get why you would have to talk about marriage lessons after you learn them because it really is an accomplishment to realize something about relationships But I never realized until I read this book that it would be SO MUCH MORE FUN if they told their stories with ZOMBIES Yaaaaay Not that I wish they had to fight zombie hordes well, maybe I do wish some of them would, if we re being completely honest But, sometimes I bet half of what they re saying is made up anyway, whether they know it or not, so add some freaking undead, people So, yes, I m giving this book a very inflated 4 stars This is another casualty of the Skye O Malley tragedy This is probablyof a 3 star book, but it s so much better than all of the other RBR reads I m suspicious that it is better because it s not actually a romance, but we ll choose to turn a blind eye to that for now The minute I held this book in my loving little hands at Powell s in Portland, I knew we had a connection, though This is my kind of self help Self help with BRAAAaaaaAAAINS My only complaint is that there is a great part with a cult, but the cult was not nuanced enough for my taste I like to see a cult that has some draw at first and then later chains you up The cult leader in this book was a little too stranger danger for me to feel sorry for them when they got locked up Don t worry, I won t tell you what happens then.I think that complaint goes to how I still think watching zombies is apleasing overall experience than reading about zombies Like, if the cult leader guy had been on the TV, it probably wouldn t have bothered me that he was too obviously loony tunes Horror movies are so flash bang that you don t have the time to pause and want a littlecomplexity And I don t want to want complexity with my zombies If I get it, great, if not, then I get omg we re all gonna die instead, which is just as good So, basically, I m bothered by my being bothered.There s not a lot to say about this particular piece of litratuhr, and my fellow rippers have done an excellent job in their analysis already by noting the references to Whedon, Zombieland, and Shaun of the Dead I was satisfied by those references Jesse Petersen knows her shit Also, she knows where her book is going to land in the continuum of zombie stories That s a bonus But, now I am off to explore the complexity of the human spirit in The Egg Said Nothing and This is Not a Flophouse I m sure I ll haveto say about those two because I can already tell they have a beautiful mix of subtlety, nuance, and flash bang. Rating 1 5DNF at 43%This was not what I hoped for It was boring and not as much fun as I thought it d be There were a lot of zombie attacks but still this wasn t really exciting I didn t care about the characters or what will happen to them I am kind of disappointed because this seemed like something I would enjoy or even love. Dear god, what have I read Horrific Superficial Too Stupid To Live characters I don t care about, stumbling around blindly asking to be eaten.ComedyHaving loved the show Married with Children I impulsively decided I would love this too However, I m wondering now whether zombies and comedy can ever be a good mix in the post Carry On world, and in the absence of Simon Pegg Shaun of the Dead totally pulls off the ZomRomCom And perhaps with this book by marketing it as a comedy excuses the wafer thin characters, the TSTL behaviour e.g checking out a potentially zombie infested casino for the hell of it and inappropriately timed arguments while zombies are bearing down on you about nothing in particular.RomanceUm, where exactly was the romance We meet Sarah and David on the brink of divorce as they attend their regularly scheduled marriage counseling appointment David s demise from having a promising future to being an unemployed deadbeat husband and all round slacker and Sarah s exhausted from having to work 6 days a week leads her to constantly criticise him and picking fights at every given opportunity, leaving them both deeply unhappy and wanting out of their marriage Counselling wasn t helping untilthey killed their therapist After that they work together to kill directly and indirectly almost every human they come into contact with regardless of whether they happen to be infected In doing this they come to see each other s positive attributes i.e bravely killing everything in sight, appearing as heroes in each other s eyes So again, where was the romance One off stage sex scene andI can t remember if they ever kissed Not good.ZombiesWere pretty cool actually From bite to brain eating, the incubation period is 10 25 minutes Red eyes, strangely happy facial expressions, faster than the average human and the ability to continue simple repetitive actions, describe these zombies Although there is the requisite gory imagery e.g a legless undead dragging itself along the ground carrying a baby in it s mouth, it never truly hits home, the gut wrenching horror of it all I hold Rhiannon Frater s As the World Dies trilogy up as the epitome of all things zombie and while reading it I laughed, I cried and I added guns to my wishlist That was terrifying but there was humour, too A good balance MWZ focuses too much on the humour and whilst funny, sometimes it was grossly overused and forced, at the detriment of the characters intelligence and the graveness of the situation It s the same with the swearing, I m not opposed to the well timed f word when the world is going to hell and you could die at any moment but it shouldn t be repetitive After ogling this book for a while I m disappointed it didn t live up to my expectations I could ve DNF d at any point, my lack of affection for the couple left me uninterested in whether they lived or died but obviously they were never in any danger considering it s part of a series If you have some time to waste Find all of my reviews at this popped up on my feed awhile back I immediately went to the library to see if it was available on audio while simultaneously wondering how I had missed reading it back in my Zombies4Eva phase Well, turns out I had read it but since I am a moron I had completely forgotten all about it So unlike me, right It also turns out back in the day I was even worse at reviewing than I am now because I straight up compared this to Zombieland. I m surprised a hoard of townsfolk and their pitchforks didn t show up on my front yard for that one I guess it s because they were both funny approaches to the undead Or I used to smoke crack and have forgotten all about that too Whatever the case, Shady s back back again this time listening to a story I already read years ago So what is the story, you ask Sarah and Dave show up for their weekly marital counseling only to discover the perfect couple that has the appointment immediately before theirs nom nomming on the good doctor The two decide to call it a day and head home to Plans change, however, when their neighbor tries to eat them It s then they realize that they re going to have to go from passive aggressive to aggressive aggressive And do whatever it takes to make it to their family In the process They might just save their marriage This ended up being 3 Star fun the second time around My only complaint I HATED the narrator and it turns out she reads a shitton of audiobooks so now I m sad for eternity. I never would have guessed that unlike therapy, unlike the self help books that littered our apartment at the time, killing zombies would save my relationship Sarah and Dave are having marital problems and have been attending marriage counseling once a week for the past 6 months On the way to their weekly visit, their session ends up going far differently than the others their marriage counselor attempts to eat them After a momentary fight for their lives where their marriage counselor ends up with a stiletto to the head, they realize something is definitely amiss From that point on, their lives were never quite the same yet somehow it managed to change their relationship for the better After the two make plans to leave their home in Seattle and head to Dave s sisters house, they realize that not only is the world going to shit, but it s happening quickly.This was the book that started my zombie crazed love so I m really quite partial to it, but I couldn t have started with a better one It has the perfect mix of blood and guts, sarcastic humor, and demented brain seeking zombies I loved Sarah and David they were a perfectly realistic couple just doing what it takes to survive from the zombies and each other The chapter titles were a hilarious addition as they were a new suggestion with each new chapterChapter 2 Balance the workload in your relationship No one person should be responsible for killing all the zombies A super fast and enjoyable read that you simply won t be able to put down If you re a fan of zombies, this is a must for you